…is how I’ve been feeling about everything lately. I don’t know if I’m just being moody/hormonal (that could very well be it)…or if I’m actually just not happy. Its not even that I’m unhappy…I just feel like I’m wasting my weekends (life?) not doing anything productive or fun. That isn’t entirely true, because I’ve been keeping up with my beauty blog a lot, which I love doing. But I feel like there are more things that I like to do that I could be using my time for…like learning more about web design so I can start designing stuff for other people. I’ve been wanting to create some blog templates that people can use for WordPress and/or Blogger, but I just haven’t bothered to actually learn how to do this correctly or go about setting anything up yet. And then there’s music…I used to write music pretty frequently, but I barely even touch the keyboard anymore. I really loved doing that, but anytime I sit down at the keyboard now nothing comes to me.
I literally spent the entirety of this past weekend either laying in bed, or wasting time on the computer (both at the same time). Not saying I don’t mind doing that (I love relaxing on weekends when its snowing/raining), but its like I get so excited on Friday when its the weekend, and then I do absolutely nothing and regret it on Sunday. I miss college, when I lived so close to friends and I was able to see them everyday and hang out on the weekends a lot more. Growing up sucks the big one haha.
Speaking of college…I keep having (recurring?) dreams about going to school. Like I had a dream that I went back to Temple and was a freshman again. And then the following night I had one that I started highschool again (but I wasn’t 14, I was 24). And a bunch of other ones that were similar. Is this some kind of message from my subconscious that I should think about grad school? Or is it just me feeling nostalgic for something I can’t get back? (probably the latter)
I don’t know what I want to do about anything. I whine and complain that I’m bored all the time, but I don’t actually DO anything about it (and bother the bf with my whining in the process, which just makes everything worse). I’ve also been increasingly annoyed at myself for my own shyness. I mean, I’m always annoyed at myself for that and my inability (refusal?) to do anything about it…that’s nothing new. But its been more often lately and I feel like I just want to like…replace my personality (or lack thereof?) with someone else’s. Does that make any sense? lol. I don’t hate myself or anything, but my confidence level isn’t exactly where it should be…which, now that I think about it, is probably the root cause for any kind of issue I’ve had/have/will ever have. At the same time, I freak out and stress over the slightest change in the status quo. Not sure how I can want things to change but hate change at the same time…because that’s definitely counterproductive haha.
Not sure where I’m going with this or if I’m making any sense, so that’s all I’m gonna say about that for now. I can’t believe its already November! I wish time would slow down a little bit. I feel like its flying by way too fast.
Oh yea…I bought a domain name for my beauty blog: Adorabeauty.net! So that’s pretty exciting. Speaking of that, I am currently having a giveaway for a really awesome kit from Sephora. If you’d like to enter to win it, you can click the image below. 🙂