My Top 5 Most Useless Purchases

Today (well, roughly) is the 1 year anniversary of the purchase of my treadmill, which aside from housing is probably the largest purchase I’ve ever made. I’m happy to report I’ve actually used it fairly consistently throughout the year and it isn’t just a glorified clothes drying rack. Yay! That got me thinking, though…what have I purchased in the past that has been completely 100% not worth it or that I just never used?

For your amusement, here are my Top 5 that I can remember…

5. A Computer Monitor

Cost: $135

There’s nothing wrong with the HP Monitor I bought in 2015, and its not too expensive as far as new monitors go. Its perfectly functional and very nice looking. I purchased it with the intention of using it for my now-defunct design business. Along with it, I also bought an Apple keyboard and mouse. I had all hopes of coming home from work, firing up my laptop which would be connected to the monitor, and letting my creativity fly like some kind of side-gigging business-owning #girlboss. In reality, I came home and watched YouTube videos till 12AM while eating chips and salsa in my bed. And in the off chance I did do any work, I just used my laptop by itself. It looked nice sitting on my desk, but I think I used it a total of…2-3 times? I remember binge watching the first season of Fuller House on it because I wanted a “change of scenery”. I still have the monitor in the basement of our house, and I’ve thought about selling it. Its basically in perfect condition, but I’m not sure if many people use somewhat small monitors anymore. In addition to that, I’ve also purchased an embarrassing number of useless (mostly digital things) related to my former design business, the worst of which was a $200+ online “course” which taught me nothing that I couldn’t already find on Google. 🤦

4. Clarisonic

Cost: $80

I had used a Clarisonic way back in 2011 that I received for free, then lost interest in and stopped using shortly after (although I dragged it with me to every apartment I have ever lived in). Last year I tried it again out of curiosity after reading something about its benefits online and of course the battery was dead. I was determined to use a Clarisonic again, so when one came on sale at Ulta I jumped on the opportunity immediately. I used it almost daily and then gradually stopped using it just a few months later. I’ve used it so infrequently that I don’t think I’ve even had to charge it yet. Also, Clarisonic seems to be discontinuing the brush heads that I liked for it so I have no real incentive to use it, not to mention that it didn’t really do much for me and, because of my seborrheic dermatitis, I’ve more or less stopped exfoliating. I should maybe try and sell this too. Anyone want a 1st generation hot pink Clarisonic? 😉

3. Knitting Kit

Cost: $67

I honestly thought about not putting this on here, because I still have intentions of completing this. The idea of knitting just seems to “fit” well with my book-loving, winter-loving, cat-loving introverted self. I purchased this kit in December of 2017 and I did actually start learning how to knit and made a little bit of progress. The kit was for a cute snood, which I hadn’t actually started on yet but was just practicing the different techniques, all of which I now forget. I was even going to knit Steve a hat for Christmas! Winter came and went and I lost interest and never did make the snood (or the hat). I had all intentions of picking it back up the following winter. But here we are in summer of 2019 and well…I think we know how that went. Its still in my desk drawer (not stuffed somewhere in the basement) because I still want to do it. Winter 2020, prepare for a snood!

2. Aromatherapy Vapes

Cost: $62

Its Autumn of 2016, and we’re now entering the portion of my life where I was going through what I guess was a mildly depressive episode which unfortunately resulted in more than 1 stupid purchase. Enter an instagram ad for MONQ “personal essential oil diffusers.” They were basically battery-powered sticks that you inhaled and exhaled…like e-cigs or vapes…but not quite? I truly have no idea. I got a 4 pack of these with scents such as “happy” and “zen”. I sat in my bathroom (because I was concerned about the scent bothering Jesse) and “vaped” these like a dumbass a total of maybe 4 times. Needless to say, I got little out of them. They were then relegated to a drawer and were tossed when I moved last year (I tried them again then and the batteries were dead). So much regret. Maybe some people really get something out of these (or essential oils in general)…the idea of inhaling essential oil “vapor” is kind of an interesting one, but sadly it was just a waste for me. If these were like $20 I wouldn’t have cared at all, but I have no idea what compelled me to plunk down $60 for something I’d never tried before. I also wasted about $50 on an essential oil kit from Amazon a few years prior, which I remember using once (I splashed peppermint oil on cottonballs and scattered them throughout my apartment to keep bugs away). I think I need to just never purchase essential oil products again.

1. The Happiness Planner

Cost: $63

Clearly my oil vapes didn’t make me happy, so I moved on to this planner around the same time because I guess something like therapy was too legitimate to look into. It was called The Happiness Planner and I discovered it watching marketing on some Youtube video or Instagram or other. I will say, the planner itself is gorgeous. Its mint green and rose gold and its just very…luxe. Its also huge and comes in this nice mint box. It came with rose gold paper clips and a rose gold pen. It had daily pages where you listed things you were grateful for, among many other various categories and prompts by the day or month or year. It also had pullout posters and stickers. If you’re the type of person that uses planners, you’d love it (and it did get rave reviews after all). I am not the type of person that uses planners, but again…intentions! I got it for the year 2017, a little too prematurely. At the end of 2016 was when I met Steve, and well…he’s been my “happiness planner” ever since (AWW) and I just never picked this up again. Not that I would have anyway because if you haven’t noticed a trend, I’m lazy AF and should never purchase anything that requires me having to actually DO something. I did write in it a few times after I got it because there’s a spot for “goals” for the year, one of which was “go on a date” (mission accomplished!). Its basically just been sitting in my drawer ever since. I’ve been putting off throwing it out cause its so pretty but honestly…what am I going to do with a planner from 2017? At least I have a cute pen!

Honorable Mentions

  • A $75 pair of heels I bought in 2013 and wore exactly 0 times because they were uncomfortable (many other shoes too but that was the one that cost the most)
  • A 3-month Match.com subscription purchased for $60 in 2015 that I spent more time actively trying to avoid than I did using it.
  • A $20/month gym membership that I used sporadically and pretty much stopped using for the last 3 months before it expired.
  • So many things for Jesse. So many things. Although the blame for non-use rests solely on his fluffy shoulders and not mine. 😼